Be true

It was time for my third video download of Stepping Up. I've had a hard two weeks and I didn't know emotionally if I could handle an intense 50 minutes of Beth Moore when my nerves are shot, I'm teary, trying to keep moving, and shaky. Of course, it was the best thing I could do. She made me laugh and cry and then do both at the same time. The best part for me about this week's video was focusing on being real and true. She read out of a fashion magazine Learn to Pose Like a Pro. Stand at a 45 degree angle, because no one looks glorious head on, throw shoulders back, hand accentuating your waist, and place one foot in front of the other and point toe. Then she stood in that position and said "If you want to make a good impression on people, you have to stand like this. Nope, what you've got is a pose." She asked the question, "Is it still hypocrisy if what you're pretending is what you really want to be?" In her opinion it was, because unless we are true to ourselves and the way God wants us to be, it is in vain. She said to be real and true, we need to let people know that we're less than what they first supposed. This and the combination of our Galatians bible study, and then even more recently the Seeds of Faith devotional, has got me examining myself and my motives more.

When I read Galatians 5, the works of the flesh and the fruits of the spirit contrasted, the words works and fruits stand out so strongly. All of my life, I would read about the fruits and think, Wow, I really need to work on patience this week. That is something I've been slipping on. Or even read the fruits and think about someone that is definitely not showing any of them and thinking they need to work on theirs. Every time I make fruits a work, it quickly slides back into the flesh column because I would feel an inkling of pride for working on my fruits. Make sense? There has been so much freedom in releasing the fruits as a to-do list and letting the Son do His work in me and just enjoy hanging out on the Vine. Jesus is the one that does the work, all I need to work on is studying, not just reading, my bible, and prayer, and those fruits will grow. They can never grow if I keep choking them with what my flesh wants to do or say.

All my life, my mom has been telling me to just be myself, and I would always just nod my head and grin but inside I was like, "I don't even know who that is! I know who I want to be like, and I know who I want to be friends with, I know what clothes I like to wear, I know whose house I'd want to have decorated like, but I don't even know who myself is!!!" I've realized that who I am is determined by who it is that I am letting rule in my heart. If it's satan, then I can be jealous, envying, gossiping, and bitter. But if I can relax, and let Jesus take the reins, then that is when I take a breath and think, "Yeah, this is who I am meant to be." Then, and only then, is when I can love other people for who they are instead of concentrating on all they have that I want.

So, like Beth M. said, "We must pray hard to get rid of hidden hypocrisy. It blocks the flow of the Spirit who wants to take us places that He wants us to go." So this week, I really need to work on getting rid of hidden hypocrisy. Did you catch that? It is always my first reaction. No this week, I want to be more real and true and I am praying hard to let the Spirit do His work in me so that His fruits have room to grow.